i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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