Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
