maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Say something about gay babies.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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