I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
