You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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