I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
