hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
