I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
