When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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