i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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