So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
