I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
