I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
