I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
