guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
