she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
