then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
