we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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