these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
