6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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