My room smells like vodka and shame
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
