The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
