This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
