She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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