He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
