When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
