All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
