Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
