Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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