Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
