I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
