i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
