fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
