I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
