Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
