Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
