can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
