the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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