it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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