I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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