i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
