they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
