How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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