i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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