Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
