You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
