I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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