Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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