Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
