You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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