You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
